


Loving a Monster

by calie15



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Baby Fic, Established Relationship, Past Relationship(s), Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:46:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki unhappily returns to Asgard when he finds that the mortal he had left behind is carrying his child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The doors were thrown open with the force of Loki's power. "Where is she?!" He demanded of his parents, but Odin only stared back at him with a calm facade. Frigga's brow creased with worry, but she said nothing. "Where is that stupid, little mortal," he growled. 

"Loki!" Frigga exclaimed. 

"Leave us," Odin said to he guards.

The hall cleared out quickly, leaving only Loki and the only parents he had ever known.

"I hardly think it fair to blame other's for your mistakes," Odin pointed out.

His mistake. Loki wanted to snarl, snap his teeth, strike, but he held his ground and kept calm. "Where is she?"

"Here," Odin responded, "where she will remain under the watchful eye of Eir, and then after."

"After." Loki repeated and watched them both warily. "Why after?"

"A half Jotun child does not belong on Midgard. Especially a child who may have inherited your abilities. Jane will take Idunn's apple after the birth. She will remain here to raise her child."

Loki hated they way he flinched at the mention of his heritage. He hated even more that he had passed on that part of himself, created another thing in the image of a monster. It was the mention of Idunn's apple that shook him from his disgust. "You'r bestow an Asgardian's life on her. Over a child?"

"Loki!" Frigga snapped finally and stood from her chair. "Enough! Disgusted with yourself as you may be, and distrustful of us as you always are, we love you, and we will love this child also, regardless of your feelings on the matter. A mother, a real mother, devotes herself to her children. The only way for her to do so is to be granted the same life her child would be born with. We are not so cruel as to deprive a babe of it's mother."

"And when she sees the monstrosity?" Loki asks gravely, refusing to be swayed by his mother's words.

"Always assuming Loki." Frigga smiled sadly and shook her head. "Your unable to fathom someone loving you, caring for you, so why would they love your child."

Your child. The words set him on edge. "I have no interest in this thing." He spat the final word with disgust and watched his mother take her seat and stare at him with an even gaze, fury burning behind her eyes. 

"This baby will remain here with us, while your father is king and after when your brother takes the throne, whether it is your wish or not," Frigga said, her voice her, unwavering.

It was clear in that moment the position Frigga had taken. She was a mother, devoted to her children and passionate in her love for them. That feeling was now bestowed on this monster.

"Your mother is correct," Odin spoke up finally. "You have no say in the matter. I have spoken with Thor, we are in agreement. Make peace with the mortal if you wish, but she remains here, with the child she carries, and will take Idunn's apple."  
\-------------

Loki walked through the halls, a fury like no other on his face. No one would dare approach him as he stormed to the healing rooms Frigga's parting words echoed in his mind. 'The child she carries, your child, has made her unwell. Upset her, endanger either of their lives, and I will have you cast out.'

His own mother had threatened him with more force then the Allfather. It had always been Odin who was his enemy, but it was becoming very clear now that it would be Frigga standing between him and that monster and its mother with a hard, watchful eye.

Loki thrust open the doors to the healing room and walked in with hard, purposeful steps. It was the site of Jane on the table that startled him. He'd done so well with ignoring thoughts of her, feigning indifference. Immediately her brown eyes met his. It was only then that he noticed the image floating above.

"Ah, Loki. The queen said you would be here. How nice of you to finally join us," Eir said with a smile and looked down at Jane.

Something passed between the two women, and Jane smiled back at her. Loki tensed with the realization they were having a joke at his expense. "I follow the commands of my queen," he said, turning his eyes on Jane, not hiding the anger that boiled beneath the surface. She looked away and stared back up. Loki found his gaze drawn up also. Above Jane, Eir moved her hands over the outline of a baby. It's limb moved slightly and there was a slight fluttering within its chest.

"We've been monitoring Jane's progress closely. Midgardian children are conceived, grow, and are born much like our own. I have had to do some research into the conception and birth of Jotun's."

Again Loki felt his entire body tense with the mention of his true heritage. There would be no escape from it. Not now, not ever. Not with the impending birth and the people around hik determined to see it through.

"It was of some relief to learn that Jotun babies are not much different. There time in the womb is longer then a Midgardian child, by approximately thirty days. I'm quiet sure that we can make arrangement to sustain if it is not fully developed at birth." Eir waved a hand, extinguishing the images above Jane, and turned to Loki. "Our biggest concern was size, as I'm sure you can imagine. It was a relief to realize the baby has seemed to inherit your own traits and is growing at at a rate that Jane's body can accommodate. Although, I still predict that it will be a rather long child and therefore it may be necessary to take him before Jane's body is ready."

Kill it, he wanted to say. After all Eir had said he was quiet sure that's what should have been done. Loki didn't want it, and as much as he hated that woman lying on the table his heart betrayed him and pounded with each of Eir's revelations. The healer made everything sound so easy, but he suspected there was much concern for Jane's health then Eir let on. Loki hated that he found himself sharing that concern for the mortal. For a moment he considered just choking the life out of the alien being, but even he couldn't bring himself to do so. Perhaps if Jane had asked him...but as she sat up on the table and rubbed a hand over her bulging stomach he knew she would ask no such thing. Everyone was against him.

"Everything is going along smoothly Jane," Eir said with a smile. "Perfect health."

"Thank you," Jane said with a nod and smile.

Eir glanced at hims as she walked passed him, and from the hardened look in the healer's eyes he could tell she was also warning him. It seemed he was safe from no one.

Once the door closed he stood there, staring at nothing, refusing to look at the woman in the room.

"Don't you have anything to say?"

His eyes snapped to Jane. "My condolences," he snarled and turned to leave.

"You come back to give me your condolences?" Jane snapped.

He turned and watched as she slid awkwardly off the table. It would have been humorous if the thought of her carrying his child didn't disgust him. Her feet touched the floor, the dress of material falling back into place, smoothing over her stomach. Loki wanted to choke at the thought of it inside of her, growing. "What do you expect of me?" He asked angrily. "Did you hope for a happy reunion. Did you hope for me to be pleased?"

"No! I-."

"You cast me out," he said through clenched teeth and advanced on her. "Do you not remember that? Sent me away."

Jane swallowed and stared back at him, her face pained for a moment, but she quickly hid the emotion. "It was the right thing to do, for both of us. You said yourself nothing would come of it. I couldn't spend my life on someone I couldn't keep."

"It matters not," he said evenly, but the truth of her words still stung, because he had wanted to keep her. Regardless of his words he'd been determined to find a way to keep her with him, but before he'd had time to even pull together some semblance of a plan she'd sent him away, and he hadn't looked back. His mother always said he could never forgive and forget. "That time is over. Perhaps you can marry my brother now. How generous it would be of him to raise the spawn of his brother."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Jane exclaimed. "You are being stupid," she said, her tone laced with disgust. "I don't even see what Thor has to do with this. This is about me, you, and his baby."

"Baby?!" He exclaimed and laughed. Even to his own ears his humor sounded cruel. "Not a baby, a monster." To her credit, she wasn't shocked by his words in the least.

"Your mother had warned me you'd be like this, and that's fine." Jane took a deep breath, enlarged breasts and belly swelling with the effort. "I'm not going to let you upset me. Would I like you to be a part of this? Yes. But I won't fight you over it. I won't attempt to force you."

As if anyone could, he thought to himself.

"But I'm having this baby, here. It isn't ideal, it isn't my home and it isn't necessarily what I want, but what I want must is a safe environment this baby," she said without a hint of resentment over her situation.

Loki wanted her to be angry, he wanted her to hate the thought of being bound to Asgard. Then he would felt more righteous in his own anger. Yet she stood there calmly, taking the changes willingly.

They stared at one another in silence for a time. It was her that finally turned away and started walking past him. Loki meant to let her go, but when he heard her drag the door he found himself turning. "Why? Why even keep it? You've seen me, you know."

Jane sighed and looked down, then slowly she turned to face him, her eyes holding pity. "That would be cruel. I chose you Loki, I knew what your were, I didn't care. It's a part of both of us, what is there to hate?"

It was only when she turned again and left did his face reflect the pain he felt at her words.


	2. Chapter 2

On the order of the All-Father and his queen Loki was to remain in Asgard until the birth. That didn't mean he had to see Jane, or see any of them. He took his meals in his room and kept to himself. The only information he received of Jane was forced on him by his mother's daily visits. Thor had tried to convince him multiple times that he should stop this foolishness, but even Thor could see there was no changing Loki's mind or his lack of interest in the monster growing in Jane's womb. Frigga was relentless though. As always.

Jane never came. 

He'd been unlucky enough to be caught by her eye a couple of times as they happened to cross paths. One time she'd been on the arm of his brother and Loki had walked silently by, seething at the site of Thor next to her. Loki didn't want Jane, but that didn't mean he wanted her to be with Thor.

'She still loves you,' his mother had said during one visit. Loki had demanded she leave after. It didn't matter what Jane felt. Not now. Loki didn't want Jane's love, and he didn't want that monster. As soon as it was born he'd be gone, never to return. They meant nothing to him.

Yet when the alarm sounded and Loki looked up from his book he couldn't ignore the pounding of his heart. For a moment he stared at his door, arguing with himself. To get up meant he felt concern, and as he reminded himself, he couldn't care less. Curiosity, Loki reasoned, was the reason he stood up to see what the fuss was about.

By the time he stepped into the hallway it was vacated. Slowly, he started walking to investigate. He tapped his fingers against his pants as he moved, ignoring the urge to call his dagger. 

The alarm hadn't silenced. 

The sound of it echoed in the hallway and soon he heard hard footsteps approaching him. Not the steps of a normal person, but hard, with purpose. When he rounded the corner he found Frigga with two guards flanking her as she practically ran down the hallway, a sword at her side.

"I can't find Jane," she said gravely, her face reflecting the intensity of her voice.

"What of it?" Loki asked, ignoring the feeling of dread in his gut.

"Stop this foolishness," Frigga snapped. "Thor is not here and someone has breached our defenses. You either do this because you care more then you let on or you take it as a command, I care not. Find her Loki."

Loki glared at her, angry with her that she saw through his facade of indifference. Angry at himself for letting her. "Fine," he growled and stepped around her, heading down the hallway. Green light slid over him as he adorned his armor. He only hope the trouble was worth it and he'd get to kill something.  
\---------

It was some time before he was able to actually find any hint that there had been a breach in defenses of Asgard. There was a commotion at the main lower entrance. Guards were coming and going, armor clanking as they hurried and yelled orders. Loki started to grab someone and demand answers, but it was an Asgardian being carried in that stopped the questions on Loki's lips. 

He grabbed the warrior helping to support an injured man and stopped them. The man he held cried out in pain, Loki cared not. 

"Prince Loki!" The man exclaimed in shock.

Loki had no words as he stared down at the missing armor, the blackened skin. It was freezer burnt. "Was it the Frost Giants?" He asked. No response came and he looked up to the men's faces. "Answer me!"

The guard nodded, seeming to be shaken by his demand. "Yes."

Fear curled in his belly at the answer. Loki dropped his arm, releasing him, and stared ahead. There were Frost Giants in Asgard. The likelihood that the All-Father would fail to stop them was nonexistent. The Frost Giants had no real power, they lacked strong leadership (thanks to himself). They fought amongst themselves for power, they were weak. In the end they would die under the All-Father's fist. There would be casualties though, and there was still no sign of Jane.

As Loki made slow progress throughout the palace he fought silently with himself over Jane. She was not his responsibility. She had sent him away, and that thing inside of her was of no concern to him. It could just as soon die and Loki couldn't care less. The only thing Loki cared for was himself.

Still, his mind worked trying to understand the reason behind the attack. At some point he stopped near an open balcony and stared out toward the starry sky. It was strange that they would attack so foolishly, knowing that it was certain death. How strange it was that he was burdened with the impending birth of his own part Frost Giant spawn and the monster's themselves were at his doorstep. It was a strange coincidence, one that made his jaw clench and his hands fist, again aching for the familiar feel of his dagger.

Those monsters, he hated them. Ugly and brutal. They had no finesse. He despised them, and they disliked him almost as much. From the very beginning he had been cast out from that race, not good enough, to weak. Loki smiled to himself, recalling the look in Laufey's eyes as Loki had killed him. They had underestimated him, their mistake. Perhaps they should have killed him as a babe instead of abandoning him to an icy death. That had been their own undoing.

Reluctantly, his own mind strayed to thoughts of that monster that grew inside of Jane. Another child that should die, that the world should be spared of. It was ironic, he supposed, that Laufey had wanted to kill his own son because he wasn't a true Jotun and now Loki wished the death of his own child because it shared to much with that race of monsters. 

Loki had no doubt the Frost Giants would be appalled by that thing growing within Jane, the first Frost Giant child to be part mortal, spawned from from the weak son of Laufey. They would have killed it without hesitation.

It was those thoughts that made him part his lips and inhale sharply. As his mind considered the implications, sorted through the evidence he had, wondered if he was coming to the correct conclusion, his heart pounded and his stomach began to fall with an emotion he barely recalled. Fear. Fear for Jane.

He may have despised that thing growing within her, but the one thing Loki couldn't deny in that moment was that he didn't hate Jane in the least.

Loki took off in a hurry, running through the palace in search of the errant human and cursing himself for being so ignorant of the places she might escape to. Loki knew nothing of her time in Asgard. And as much as he blamed himself in that moment for ignoring her, he blamed that thing within her just as much. He blamed himself for putting it there, tainting her with what he was, putting her in danger because it. 

It was through pure luck that her voice carried to him through the halls.

"Stay away from me."

Loki stopped short and waited.

"I've done nothing to you!"

His worst fears were confirmed. The Frost Giants were there to kill that abomination within Jane, to erase from existence anything that was less then perfect by their standards. As Loki rounded the corner there were two of them, large, bulking and ugly. Smoke rolled off their cold skin as the warm air of Asgard met it. They were beasts, their blue ridged skin out of place among the gilded and marbled halls of Asgard. They towered before Jane who was now backed against the wall, trembling hands resting over her stomach and tears in her eyes. He couldn't help but wonder if she cried for her own life or that thing within her. Loki was pretty sure he knew the answer. He let his eyes slide close.

"A long way from home, aren't you?"

They spun from Jane at the sound of his voice, turning towards the image of him walking down the hallway.

"Loki Odinson," one Frost Giant growled and stepped closer to him. "We would gladly take your life."

"Odinson?" Loki asked, his brow raising in innocent confusion. Then his eyes narrowed, disgust and anger seeping through. "And here I thought it was Laufeyson."

"A weakling, a puny thing, a coward that should have died."

His eyes twitched slightly at the comments. It was old news, something he had heard before, but hardly something he had come to terms with. "And yet here I stand."

It nodded at the other Frost Giant, a silent signal. It advanced on him and Loki drew his daggers, relieved to finally have them in his hands. It fought with no grace, just blundering moves meant to cause damage with it's advanced strength. Loki avoided each swing of it's fist, each swipe of its blade. It was much to easy. 

From around the corner Loki stepped out and threw his dagger. It sliced through the illusion of his self and embedded into the chest of the Frost Giant. Before it had hit its target another dagger flew through the air, striking its mark. With a swipe of his arm he flung the giants through the air, slamming them into the marble wall of the marble hall. They met it with a sickening noise of bones and walls cracking. Jane cried out and Loki smiled as he walked towards them. He passed the beasts and turned his attention to Jane.

"Loki," she whispered, her eyes soft and bright with tears.

His heart did something he was entirely to uncomfortable with. Without thinking he raised his arm and stepped forward, intent on touching her cheek. It would have been the first time he had touched her in months, but he needed to do it. His hand stilled in mid air as he bumped into her. Shaken, he looked down at her bulging stomach.

"A taint to our race."

At the rough, dying sound of the Frost Giant's voice Loki turned slowly, putting his back to Jane. "What?" He snapped and stepped forward, coming to stand over it and stare into it's red, demonic eyes.

"It's an abomination. It will not be allowed to survive."

Fury twisted his features and Loki curled his lip. His hand tensed, fingers curling slowly as he watched the Frost Giant begin to choke, its eyes widening in shock. "I survived," Loki growled and fisted his hand. The sound of its large neck snapping reverberated throughout the hall. Slowly, he relaxed, but he didn't move. He stared down at them, a slow smile sliding over his own face, evidence of the pleasure he took at once again proving them wrong. There was a thump behind him and he spun, ready to call his daggers again, but it had been Jane, collapsed on the floor.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Eir!" The healer stood amongst the bustle of healers and injured. From the number there Loki could only assume the attack had not been on a large scale. He cared little for that though, his concern was only for Jane.

The healers eyes widened. "Put her here!" She exclaimed and hurried to an empty bed.

He carried Jane's limp body to the bed, holding her close until he was forced to lower her. As he slid his arms from beneath her he stood back reluctantly, making way for the healer. "She was not injured, and her pulse is steady." Lights illuminated above her and Loki found his eyes drawn upwards, watching as Eir worked at a furious pace. 

"She is fine," Eir said after a short period of time. "Midgardian bodies are so much frailer then our own. The impact of pregnancy is greater. It would appear that she simply fainted. She will recover." The healer sighed and turned to Loki. "The baby is also fine."

Loki hated that he flinched at the comment. He cared little for its life. Eir seemed to frown slightly at his response, but said nothing.

"I must attend to the injured. I will continue to monitor her, but suspect she will be awake shortly. I will have her moved to a more private room to continue to monitor her until the morning."

He didn't respond and Eir turned from him to make her way back towards the injured, leaving him at Jane's side.

Loki stood there for some time, waiting, thinking. His hands were clasped behind his back and his stance relaxed, he was anything but. Hurried footsteps drew his attention and he turned to see his harried mother burst in. 

"Is she okay?" Frigga whispered breathlessly, her eyes flying from Jane to Loki.

"Yes," he said simply. Frigga breathed a sigh of relief, which only caused to make him frown, and stepped forward. Loki stepped to the side, allowing his mother to step to Jane's bedside. 

"What happened?"

"She lost consciousness." When Frigga looked up at him, brow drawn in concern, he explained further. "On her own. Eir said she will recover." She nodded in response, seeming to relax, and turned to look back on Jane. "The Frost Giants, they were here for her." Gone were the concerned eyes of a mother. Frigga looked up at him fiercely, her eyes narrowed in a way that he knew his words had stirred the warrior within her. "More specifically that thing within her." If it wasn't for his disgust of what was within Jane then he might have been pleased by the turn of events. Loki was still considered the son of the All-Father and his queen, to attack their grandchild...Well the All-Father wouldn't stand for that. Except it was Jane, and Loki couldn't be okay with her being a pawn in his need for vengeance with Jotunheim.

"Loki..."

Loki could hear the beginning of a reprimand, but he interrupted her. "You're well aware of how the weaklings are dealt with. It seems they couldn't abide such an abomination to survive."

"Share their view do you?" Frigga snapped, her anger now turning on her son. "How ironic that you wish to set yourself apart from them yet you share the same opinion."

Loki opened his mouth, an angry retort on his lips, but a sigh drew his and Frigga's attention and he looked down to Jane. Brown eyes fluttered open and met his. Loki wanted to look away, pull himself from the invisible hold she had on him, but he couldn't turn away, he couldn't move. Finally, it was Eir that forced them to break their gaze. It was easy to fade to the background then, to walk away. He exited the healing rooms only to hear the familiar sound of Frigga's steps behind him.

"Loki."

His name on her lips was a command for attention. Loki would not be escaping his mother just yet. Reluctantly, he turned to face her and waited.

"This is foolishness. She loves you, and I'm very confident that you feel the same," Frigga said more gently.

Love. Love had spawned him a monster. "This isn't about Jane," he growled and turned again.

"So you would abandon her?" Frigga called after him. "Like a coward?"

The word, from Frigga, from his mother, from the one person in his family who had always meant the most to him, was like a dagger through his heart. He stopped, but was reluctant to turn. As much as he felt the need to lash out at her, he didn't want to.

"Loki, I'm sorry, but you must see reason. You love her, would you abandon her like this?"

His exhale was a pitiful shuddering sound. He was commanded to remain until it's birth, not after. Could he abandon Jane? Most likely. Loki would travel to places no one had ever ventured. He could bury himself for thousands of years in different worlds, in other races, in information. In time Jane would have only been a heartbeat within many. Loki could abandon her, he could forget her. Yet he couldn't deny the thought of leaving her still caused his chest to constrict in the same way it had when she sent him away. Even when Jane had ended things between them, with tears in her eyes, a part of him never really believed it was over. Now....

"We love you," Frigga began slowly, "it doesn't matter where you came from. You're a son, my son. You're a brother."

Loki closed his eyes, hating the conclusion his own brain was drawing to. "And you want me to be a father?" His voice had been a whisper, the last word said with such disgust that it was apparent to anyone what you thought of the position. 

Frigga sighed. "I want you to be able to accept that there is nothing wrong with this. That there is nothing wrong with this baby."

That word, he hated that word. Loki turned finally and narrowed his eyes, hating the imploring look on her features. "That thing is not a baby! It's a monster!" The fury in his voice would have made most cower, but Frigga didn't even flinch and Loki hadn't expected she would. Instead she smiled, that secret smile with a touch a sadness that had always made him bow his head in shame. This time he didn't, although his eyes did break from hers, and he cursed himself for it. When he looked at her again she met his eyes with her own.

"If that is how you feel," she said calmly.

"It is," Loki responded, this time without yelling. She stared at him only a moment longer then turned on her heals and headed back to the healing room, backs to Jane, leaving him with his own misery and self hatred.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm intending to expand on this, hopefully within a day or so, but for the moment I am leaving it as complete.


End file.
